I think feelings are more substantial hindrances than we choose to see them. A lot of people have heard quotes on how powerful quotes like ‘people will never forget how you made them feel’ are relevant in managing relationships, or sales, but very few people have thought about how to use this internally, and personally.
Let me explain.
Every time I have found myself embark on a new journey, or a journey in which I genuinely have found myself wanting to do something that I believe would change the course of how I see life or help inform someone’s view about life and what it entails, the feeling of not being good enough has always come up. This was the same reason that made me start a blog and a youtube channel, and then back off from it for four plus years. Every time I actually tried to go back, for some reason, it seemed like the feeling of things not working out and the outcome being me eventually believing I wasted those years of my life grew stronger than ever. The Irony now is, I think that feeling is stronger than it ever was even as I am currently writing this.
I decided towards the end of last year to take a different view on how I see the decisions I make for my life and my family, and I decided to focus on doing the things I have pictured myself doing when I was younger. I realized that In reflection, I ended up feeling regret when I think of the fact that I did not even try to make this happen at all, and experience this in any way, and so to that effect, I made a decision to start my writing and be consistent with it, only this time, I decided to take a road less travelled- No sharing of my content with anyone, No marketing or publicity, just putting myself out there through the various channels I have always seen myself growing in and experiencing, one channel at a time, till I am consistent and efficient in my new way of life with this life’s dream as a part of my lifestyle.
I must confess, with the fact that I have no intention to share this to anyone, and I have no intention of receiving any form of feedback on the things I write, my hand freely flows, and for the very first time, I think I have begun to understand the dilemma of the creative mind. When your production is hinged on the mindset of doing something based on the awareness of someone or a group of people waiting on reading or looking at what you are doing, as opposed to when you are doing it without the thought of any of that, your perspective, outlook, and results are different. It makes sense to think that our uniqueness is what gives us value and makes us loved, but our longing for conformity and universal acceptance takes that uniqueness away, and makes us feel less of ourselves, while diminishing our value, as the source of the initial value is also compromised in the process.
I choose to be different. I choose to be consistent, and more importantly, I choose to make the everyday decision that will progressively help me to eventually kill that feeling.
And I am starting to see that It’s the best choice I can every make for myself.
As much as these feelings have grown, I realize that the longer I spend writing every piece, the weaker the feeling becomes. The longer I put my mind in my work, the weaker it feels, so even If the feeling was really disturbing, and definitely stronger than how it had been all these years at the beginning of this piece, I realize that I feel so much better internally than I did at the beginning. I realize that my mind has come to terms with my decision, and is now choosing to go in the direction I have geared it to with my hands.
How does this match up with my opening statement?
Well, I believe the feelings of every individual have an identity of their own, and I believe that feelings can be tamed, cultured, managed, and geared in the right direction. The best illustration for this would be what Steven Pressfield calls it, a ‘Resistance’(You can get more details on this in his book, The War of Art).
I hope this helps someone out there. If there’s something that you have longed to start, start today. Do the easiest thing within that area. Just start. Figure out the rest along the way. Let your hands push your minds of the ledge, and you will see your mind use it’s wings to guide you to where you want to go. Do not let anything stop you. Just do it.
Cheers.