It’s a new year. In all reality, nothing has changed. Except the fact that I am currently writing this with a headache, which I have waited all day to subside, while dealing with the screams of my 6 month old son who has taken it upon himself to announce his happiness to me every morning.
Considering the fact that I Was awake all night on the 31st, and would still do the same today, to meet up with a job I practically am tired of, the headache is probably understandable. However, adding the fact that the job is underpaid, and not fulfilling as well, It just made me ask why I put myself through the rigour of doing this for a year. Trust me, I did not think too much for the ‘Valid’ Reasons;
- Like my wife being on maternity leave and the money being genuinely ‘needed’, meaning that as a responsible father that I consider myself to be, I should do All possible (at least legally), to get whatever my wife and son need, if I actually love them as much as I claim to.
- Or the fact that I felt that I needed to sort out certain major expenses I took in that I did not wan to take as debts. Mind you, I took them for my family as well…
- Or could it be the demands of extended family and others, who I want to ake feel that I can help them out when they are in need at certain times…
All these reasons seem valid, except the fact that I did all these forgetting one fact, which I only came to realize in reflection of my decisions that brought me to the mental exhaustion at the end of the year;
The best way to help my world, is to first, be the best version of myself, not as a destination or a point to reach, but in my experience of life.
This resolution I came to, made me decide to end this non fulfilling job and income immediately, while focusing on what I could control immediately to bring myself fulfillment.
If you are currently finding yourself in a position like this as well, I would like you to know that It happens to the best of us, and there is a reason for it. When you find yourself in a situation that you have not been in before, that seems like an ‘emergency’, chances are your decisions will be based on what you know, and what is common around you, or what you have grown up to believe. Growing up, I saw my dad work more and be less available when needs came up, which I did not know gave me a mindset about work being something that had to take you away from family and pay you ‘anything’. This was subconscious, but I only figured that out recently, and this is a mindset that is common among the average individual who has a predominant african upbringing like myself.
The decision to be the best version of myself and look at every decision or challenge informatively, changed my perspective on everything. That is why, I can be here in my room, doing something I genuinely love and am good at, even if I had many reasons to not do it, and yet put effort in starting, and produce value, while being around my family and feeling fulfilled personally.
What is the main lesson here?
Do not focus on Money. Focus on Value, and Fulfilment, while asking what and who really matters to you, as they are not always synonymous with money. See money as just a tool, not an end goal, and you will be surprised how happier you would be just from changing your view that way. If you are currently committing 80 hours a week to what you do not find fulfilment in at all, or what does not produce results to help influence the major areas of your life that you actually care about, a little commitment such as reducing it to 60 hours and putting that 20 in committing to what really makes you tick could change your reflection on how this year would feel, and actually make a big difference along the line. If it doesn’t, at least you would not feel the regret of not doing anything. Because you would be better off knowing you did what was within your control, and the journey, would mentally make you feel better than any other thing would be.
Cheers to a new year. However, please remember that there is nothing different about the new year, till you choose to do something different.
Ciao.