tolu.blog

Tag: Love

  • Why Marrying well is still the best life tip to give anyone

    I’m in my twenties, and the closer I edge to clocking thirty, the more I realize how much my life has changed since I got married. Now, I’m definitely sure that did not feel like this from the start, and I am very sure the experience in itself has not been ‘the same’ in the sense of the word, but In reflection, I think I would probably be worse off If I did not get married when I did.

    I’ll start with the obvious reasons first.

    First off, I got married at a time when it became cheaper to get married but still have your fun at the same time, so it was expensive, but cheap now that I think about how much costs have risen since 2022, and how much more weddings have recovered in terms of publicity, guest size and expenses since COVID.

    At the time I got married, people were still adjusting to the way of life post COVID, and post lockdown, that I had reasons to keep my guest list not too big. Now being a Nigerian and an African, That was not the case for my mother, or for my wife’s parents and their siblings (both our parents’ siblings, I mean), and Inasmuch as weddings in general are expensive, Catering for them in a Nigerian wedding Is Not for the faint hearted, and Is Not Cheap. However, with not so much guests as a regular ‘big’ wedding in my country (still over 350 guests, but nowhere near half of the guests at my sister’s wedding), I think I survived pretty well.

    Secondly, Not to brag, but the moment I ignored how I ‘thought anyone felt, and made the decision on my wife at the time, It was like I opened a fountain that a lot of my friends were waiting on, and validated the feelings they had. A lot of them began telling me about how they would have gotten married but wondered if it was too early, and some of them gave weird excuses, which was shocking, because I felt the same way, but damned the consequences regarding how anyone else should or would feel (except mine, my wife’s and the advice from my mentors and hers).

    Thirdly, I married a great woman. And, not to toot my own horn, but with me making efforts from my end to also be a good husband and now father, I would say I am grateful, especially looking at the kind of things we see everyday when it comes to marriages that have happened and ‘not happened’ in the last few years. Now that being said, I will say that we (myself and my wife) committed a lot to make our marriage where it currently is.

    In final addition, and probably one of the shocking parts I did not expect to put up, is how Fatherhood has been kind of a major change in my life, but is definitely one life changing moment I would recommend for anyone. The joy it brings (with a lot of progressive stress nonetheless, but a life changing one), and the responsibility it gives, especially if you are one to actually take your life serious, is just amazing.

    Now to the real reason why I put this up.

    I recently encountered research, which was done in 2017, by the Dietrich College of Humanities and Social Sciences of Carnegie Mellon University, about how Supportive relationships have been linked to the willingness of individuals to pursue opportunities. 163 married couples were brought in and studied. You can take a look at the research here.

    One thing I realized is that the influence of the person who you commit your life to, for some reason, has a major impact on the opportunities you pursue, for a lot of reasons. The first is your love for them and your craving of acceptance from them, which is reflected in how you feel about telling them whatever new journey you choose to embark on. The second is they’re love for you and they’re passion for your growth, which is reflected in how they respond to this, and how they support your life’s decisions, and advice you on what you should or should not do, and the third is the feelings of responsibility in the hearts of both of you. I strongly believe this is the most important factor that makes supportive spouses bring out the best in each other.

    Do not be deceived. Who you choose to end up with, is still your most valuable resource you will ever get.

    I’ll end with a really funny quote I’ve heard a lot, even if I do not know whose it is. I’ll preferably call It a proverb.

    ‘Love is Blind, But Marriage will open your eyes’.

    I hope this helps someone out there.

    Ciao.

  • Legacy Lessons #1- An Introduction

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    Today makes it Precisely 1 year since I lost my number one reader, and 366 days since I posted last.

    In all sincerity, Grieving my Number one Fan never halted or stopped my creativity. In fact, to the best of my knowledge, I believe my perception has taken a positive direction since it started, and I have had an opportunity of learning even new things, but the thought of not waking up to hear a question or a discussion regarding something intriguing, not to mention the fact that I deemed it fit to honor my favorite reader, made me Do two things- Pause, and Breathe.

    However, In reflection of the event, the circumstances, and the personality involved, I realized I didn\’t just lose my number one fan at the time, but I had gained something- Good Antecedents, as well as Inspiring and Worthwhile memories of someone I held so dear to my heart, in the person of My Father.

    The Past Year made me think a lot about some of the things I have learnt from him during our time together, and In all honesty, I must say, That he was the best father I could\’ve ever had.

    Now, I feel the need to share some things I learned from him, and just so you know, this is a series. But they definitely won\’t follow in sequence.

    This is because the Fatherhood I enjoyed, and the Journey of experiences I learnt from His life and thought process can definitely not be covered in a sequence of days. Or weeks. However, as Reflections Bring them, I\’ll be here.

    This post is long enough, as far as I\’m concerned, but just so I do not leave your hearts watering, I\’ll be sharing one, so I give you an idea of what to expect.

    Without Further Ado, Here\’s Number One;

    Think For Yourself, And Own it. But Don\’t Be Rude about it.

    The sincere truth is that this advice seems pretty straight forward, but it isn\’t. As simple as it sounds, A lot of people aren\’t clear about their opinions for the fear of certain reasons. Sometimes it comes from a need to feel among, other times it could come from a need to be in line with a so-called trend.

    I once knew someone in school who really liked a girl and was scared of talking to her or reaching out because he felt that since some other \”people\” didn\’t talk to her, he shouldn\’t. If you\’re there too, irrespective of what your case may be, a job, a business, or whatever, Here\’s A sincere Advice- Don\’t die in silence. It\’s your Heart against Thiers. and Guess what, you make a mistake, Their heart won\’t remind you of it.

    Here\’s something I remembered my father say;

    \”Boy, Be yourself. Discipline yourself to do what you have to do. Never give an explanation for it unless it involves the people you love, and Never Owe anybody an Apology for Keeping your identity of who you are. In the end, They\’ll be willing to drop you off to keep Thiers. \”

    As long as you have an original thinking pattern you have come to think of, Never feel inferior. Now, this does not mean you should disrespect other people\’s opinion, but rather, you could remind yourself that your not criticizing or confronting a person\’s way of thinking directly does not translate to your accepting the mindset of that person. Rather, Like a Mentor and a Leader does to a Younger One or a follower, You choose to Own your Identity and let your Path be a directional Guide.

    Now, If you see something that makes you grow, The same wisdom that this comes from Makes you also Emotionally Intelligent Enough to Learn from it immediately, and Bring it into your reality.

    I\’d still talk more on this, but it\’ll be with a few more lessons.

    I love you Pop.

    To everyone, Thanks for taking the time to read this.

    Ciao.

    \”The Pain of Discipline is better than the Pain of Regret\” – Robin Sharma